Things in My Mind

I want to write...I have no idea what, but I feel overloaded with things. Days alternating in moods and nights alternating in dreams and nightmares, people that appear and disappear from my life with the speed of light, everything moving too fast and giving me less and less time to understand, get me tired. And bored. Make me feel like I just want to stop in the middle of the madness and rest here, between the four white walls.

I've always had the tendency to care more about others than about me. Moreover, I exhaust myself trying to save lost causes. To look for the ones who head towards disaster and to save them. The problem is that by trying to reach them, I myself am getting closer and closer to the disaster. I give them my warm and shinny place and I step instead of them in the bad, ugly, sick spot.

I am changing completely, step by step. I become mean, cynic, indifferent towards everyone and everything. including myself.

I stopped writing. I am re-reading the last sentence...Somehow I am stuck....My butterfly had some harsh days and now is hiding....and I hate him when he does that...because I feel useless and unneeded...I can't even write anymore....