Back...to....Butterflies (part 2)

Disconnected from the reality, I follow my steps leaving marks in the grass...The Sun is hidden since yesterday, preparing me for what I will find "home"...From 20+ degrees some days ago, now I feel my hands frozen at 10. Gestures, feelings, thoughts,  merge and result in an explosion...every 5 minutes coming over decisions, over the past, over "if I should...". Panic slowly spreads it's tentacles, starting from the feet and going up, my heart beating faster with every second that passe, waiting for the moment when the plane will land.
I know now that you will be there...that after all this time "we" will be defined by other dimensions and curves...nothing will turn back at the initial point....from that moment on it's only forward and not backwards...
The crowd of clouds is getting thicker and thicker...that can't end up else than in a powerful, disturbing, cold rain. Lighting up a cigarette...A sip of coffee...maybe a short poker....maybe not...maybe some programming...not yet..some English course...after I post...minutes...more minutes...transforming into hours, into days, into dreams, into challenge, into a bunch of ideas and understandings.
.....
The drops of rain smash against the window as hard as the drops of tears smash against the soul. I follow the cigarette smoke raising up to the ceiling...Looking in front but not seeing anything...letting my fingers find there way on the keyboard and transposing the inside...I laugh sometimes...I am thoughtful most of the time....My brain refuses to focus on anything but "coming home"....

Time: 2 Days, 3 hours, 18 minutes before arriving in Bucharest
Weather: Rain+Clouds+10 Celsius
Mood: panic, calm, scared, excited, happy (somehow, though I still don't really know the definition of this word)
Activity: messenger, facebook, eRepublik, chat, smoking, drinking coffee, programming, English tests
Music: Porcupine Tree - Anesthetize
Picture:

This is the last train to wherever...the journey may begin....If there is anybody waiting for me in the station? No. The question is if there will be anybody to go in the same train as me to enjoy the ride! :)